I’ll never forget sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee and take in the morning headlines, when instead, I was greeted by a special report offering advice to new parents. Within minutes, I was told how horrible a mom I was. Now, it wasn’t directed to me personally, but, according to the experts, I had really messed up my children.
I did everything wrong, especially with my firstborn!
Ah, the firstborn! The one on whom we practice and learn.
My unfortunate firstborn, Jordan was born by emergency C-Section, on May 24, 1993. He was a wonderful, 9 pound, 1 ounce, bald headed bundle of joy!
I was a new mom and aside from the natural maternal love and instinct, I honestly didn’t have a clue how to care for a real live newborn. My newborn.
Advice from friends was aplenty:
“Don’t hold him too much.”
“You can never hold him too much.”
“Let him cry himself to sleep.”
“Rock him to sleep.”
“Give him cereal.”
“NEVER give him cereal.”
“Feed on demand.”
“Don’t feed on demand, keep him on a schedule.”
I have to confess. I did everything “wrong.”
I fed him whenever he was hungry (which was every 2 hours). I introduced rice cereal to his bottle at just 4 weeks. Yes. 4 weeks. He was a growing boy, and he was hungry all the time.
But … it gets worse …
I let him sleep with me. Now, I really don’t recommend this, but recovering from a c-section, and pure exhaustion, I was in survival mode. My little guy was so attached to me that all it took was my touch and his binky to calm him down. And this was best administered by being right next to me.
I let him suck on his binky and drink milk from his bottle until he was almost two. Though he drank everything else from a sippy cup, he wouldn’t drink milk from anything else but a bottle. And a toddler needs calcium, right?
Jordan just turned 22, and guess what?? He doesn’t use a binky anymore! He is potty trained. He doesn’t sleep with me anymore. He is very independent, living on his own, in full time ministry, an entrepreneur, adaptable and social. And he even drinks from a big boy cup!
As I watched the experts talk about mistakes new parents make, I rolled my eyes a bit, and took it with a grain of salt.
Sure! Life with my firstborn could have been a little smoother, more organized, less harried, but in the long run, would it have really mattered? I don’t think so.
Truth be told, if I had listened to the experts …
I may have experienced fewer vivid memories of coddling my sweet baby boy, rocking him to sleep night after night. I’d have more memories of being consumed with getting him off his bottle and potty training him at two and a half (when he wasn’t ready) and forcing him to cry himself to sleep.
I made mistakes with my next two children as well, though not as many as my first. I was careful to listen to advice sifting through and using only what was best for each child (no two children are the same). I realized early on, that mothering three children (three and under) was in itself exhausting and that there were some things that just didn’t matter.
But … what did matter, I did quite well …
Loving them … holding them … loving them … playing with them … loving them …caring for them … rocking them … loving them … singing them to sleep … teaching them … interacting and spending time with them … loving them.
Now … as a near empty nester …where are all the experts when I really need them?
I am currently living what humorist, Erma Bombeck said, “One of the hardest parts of parenting is going from a supervisor of your child’s life to a mere spectator.”
As I navigate through this newest stage of parenting, at times it feels as though my parenting is being tested. Did I teach them enough to make it on their own? Then in the silence of the night, as I try to drift off to sleep, I realize that the most valuable thing I can do for them is pray and claim the Promises of God over them.
Pray that they …
Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. -2 Peter 3:18
Grow to find God’s Word more precious than pure gold and sweeter than honey from the comb. -Psalm 19:10
Allow mercy and truth to never leave them, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablet of their hearts.” -Proverbs 3:3
Persevere in all they do, and help them especially to run with perseverance the race marked out for them.” -Hebrews 12:1
Additional Scripture to pray over your children: Deuteronomy 31:6; Psalm 51:10; Isaiah 40:29-31; Micah 6:8; Philippians 4:12-13; Ephesians 2:10.
How can you pray for yourself and your children so that you don’t feel like a “horrible” mom?
How can you pray for yourself & your children so that you don’t feel like a “horrible” mom?
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